Everything that is round is not a ball- Why one cannot judge others by one's own stands.
08:13
The Merchant and the parrot
An oriental merchant had a parrot. One day, the bird
overturned a bottle of oil.The merchant got angry and hit
the parrot with a stick on the back of the head. After this
incident, the parrot, that had earlier shown great intelligence,
could not speak any more. It lost the feather on the skull and
soon became bald-headed. One day, when it was sitting on
the almirah of its master's shop, a bald-headed customer
entered the shop. on seeing this customer the parrot got very
exited. Flapping its wings, it jumped here and there, cawed,
and then, to the surprise of all those present, started speaking.
"Did you also overturn a bottle of oil and get a blow on the
head because you also overturn a bottle of oil and get a blow on the
head because you also don't have hair?" (The persian poet
Rumi, narrated by Nossrat Peseschkian)
A nine-year old boy called the five-year-old daughter of
a guest a monkey. The mother of the girl felt offended because
she did not understand the compliment behind this observation.
The boy had a keen interest in a television programme in which
a monkey played an important role. He was enthusiastic about
this monkey and the lively behaviour of the girl reminded, him
of this monkey. To him, saying the girl looked like a monkey
meant: I like the girl. But the girl's mother had always used the
word monkey as an abusive word. She attributed the same
motive to the nine-year-old boy.
In the same way, children call their mother, for instance, a
cow, their father a horse whereby they have no idea about the
insulting character of these expressions. They are however
punished for this and are described am impolite. The milk-
giving cow is compared with the mother who puts coca into
it. The father, who is hardly at home due to his work is similar
to the workhorse in the fantasy of the child. Why should a child
not say what he thinks? After all he learnt to the honest.
To draw conclusion about others based on one's personal
beliefs can make understanding easier in some cases, but lead to
misunderstanding in other cases.
Seen from the viewpoint of depth psychology this means
nothing more than: My child should achieve what i could not
achieve. In the process, unfulfilled desires, unsatisfied needs
and missed experiences are transferred by the adults to the
child. The difference between the level of development of
the adults and that of the child is deliberately overlooked. As
a result of this, the demands of the parents become too much
for the child. In this context, one can also understand the words
of the little girl who, brought up using anti-authoritarian methods,
says: Mummy, must I play today again what you want?
The reference persons swing the practices, with which they
were themselves raised, to the other extreme so that at least their
children and partners can get what they themselves could not get.
A 41-year-old bank manager acknowledged, "My behaviour
towards my children has been the exact opposite of what I intended
. I took over the methods of my parents, but twisted them by 180
degrees."
A 38-year old manager in a firm, says, I always tried to be a
good model for my children because I did not want my children to
suffer like I did. While doing so, I reached the other extreme and
wanted, and want to some extent even today, to make everything
hundred percent perfect."
In most cases however, the projected desire is not commensurate
with the level of development and the capacities of the partner. The
goal requires certain capabilities that have to be developed step by
step. The projection of one's own desires and the person himself
emotionally over stressed.
Children look at things the way their parents see them.
They also experience things through identification in a similar
manner. Every person can discover in himself elements of behaviour
and attitudes which were typical of his parents, friends and relatives.
But it often happens that this model becomes independent. One does
not think, speak and act as one would do on the basis of one's own
conviction, but rather imitates what the model would have done in the
similar situation.
The following acknowledgement of a mother is definitely
comprehensible for many: "Although I know that every child requires
freedom, I get annoyed over the untidiness of my daughter in the same
manner as my mother got annoyed over my untidiness. It gets on my
nerves that i use the same arguments and words as my mother....."
This gives rise to a tradition of prejudices and symptoms.
The parent's views become the only possible attitude for the child. one
can speak of it as a second nature. This second nature can block the
access to the first one's own nature.
http://ramkhedia.com/book-details/has-love-an-end-ebook-has-love-an-end-ebook
An oriental merchant had a parrot. One day, the bird
overturned a bottle of oil.The merchant got angry and hit
the parrot with a stick on the back of the head. After this
incident, the parrot, that had earlier shown great intelligence,
could not speak any more. It lost the feather on the skull and
soon became bald-headed. One day, when it was sitting on
the almirah of its master's shop, a bald-headed customer
entered the shop. on seeing this customer the parrot got very
exited. Flapping its wings, it jumped here and there, cawed,
and then, to the surprise of all those present, started speaking.
"Did you also overturn a bottle of oil and get a blow on the
head because you also overturn a bottle of oil and get a blow on the
head because you also don't have hair?" (The persian poet
Rumi, narrated by Nossrat Peseschkian)
A nine-year old boy called the five-year-old daughter of
a guest a monkey. The mother of the girl felt offended because
she did not understand the compliment behind this observation.
The boy had a keen interest in a television programme in which
a monkey played an important role. He was enthusiastic about
this monkey and the lively behaviour of the girl reminded, him
of this monkey. To him, saying the girl looked like a monkey
meant: I like the girl. But the girl's mother had always used the
word monkey as an abusive word. She attributed the same
motive to the nine-year-old boy.
In the same way, children call their mother, for instance, a
cow, their father a horse whereby they have no idea about the
insulting character of these expressions. They are however
punished for this and are described am impolite. The milk-
giving cow is compared with the mother who puts coca into
it. The father, who is hardly at home due to his work is similar
to the workhorse in the fantasy of the child. Why should a child
not say what he thinks? After all he learnt to the honest.
To draw conclusion about others based on one's personal
beliefs can make understanding easier in some cases, but lead to
misunderstanding in other cases.
Seen from the viewpoint of depth psychology this means
nothing more than: My child should achieve what i could not
achieve. In the process, unfulfilled desires, unsatisfied needs
and missed experiences are transferred by the adults to the
child. The difference between the level of development of
the adults and that of the child is deliberately overlooked. As
a result of this, the demands of the parents become too much
for the child. In this context, one can also understand the words
of the little girl who, brought up using anti-authoritarian methods,
says: Mummy, must I play today again what you want?
The reference persons swing the practices, with which they
were themselves raised, to the other extreme so that at least their
children and partners can get what they themselves could not get.
A 41-year-old bank manager acknowledged, "My behaviour
towards my children has been the exact opposite of what I intended
. I took over the methods of my parents, but twisted them by 180
degrees."
A 38-year old manager in a firm, says, I always tried to be a
good model for my children because I did not want my children to
suffer like I did. While doing so, I reached the other extreme and
wanted, and want to some extent even today, to make everything
hundred percent perfect."
In most cases however, the projected desire is not commensurate
with the level of development and the capacities of the partner. The
goal requires certain capabilities that have to be developed step by
step. The projection of one's own desires and the person himself
emotionally over stressed.
Children look at things the way their parents see them.
They also experience things through identification in a similar
manner. Every person can discover in himself elements of behaviour
and attitudes which were typical of his parents, friends and relatives.
But it often happens that this model becomes independent. One does
not think, speak and act as one would do on the basis of one's own
conviction, but rather imitates what the model would have done in the
similar situation.
The following acknowledgement of a mother is definitely
comprehensible for many: "Although I know that every child requires
freedom, I get annoyed over the untidiness of my daughter in the same
manner as my mother got annoyed over my untidiness. It gets on my
nerves that i use the same arguments and words as my mother....."
This gives rise to a tradition of prejudices and symptoms.
The parent's views become the only possible attitude for the child. one
can speak of it as a second nature. This second nature can block the
access to the first one's own nature.
http://ramkhedia.com/book-details/has-love-an-end-ebook-has-love-an-end-ebook
